There are nights when sleep decides to skip me, and there are nights where I sleep soundly. But there are also the nights I dream in black and white. The nights I see black and white, everything in the land of dreams is grainy, and shades of gray and off white.
Those are the nights that remind me how deep Iraq has borrowed. Those are the nights where everything I see is seen through the monitors I used to watch. Static scrolls across my vision, the images dance and wave in front of me. I fight them, I know I shouldn't but I do. As soon as I begin to fight, I am woken, but I can not move my body.
Night terrors have set in, and I know I am in for a long night. My vision is still black and white, I see the darkness everywhere. I see the demons walking through my vision, through my mind, unable to stop them. Unable to move. I can barely keep the fear down long enough to remind myself that its all a dream. A very bad dream.
My body is trapped in some bad early 90's movie about witches.
"Stiff as a board, light as a feather, stiff as a board light as a feather" The demons of my past chant.
Instead of feeling lighter though, a weight, a physical weight presses down on my chest. Black hands framed in white shadows pressed against my throat. I can feel the burning flesh of the devils pressing my legs and hands down. I can't breathe, I can' move, I can't scream.
Every terrible memory dances in front of my eyes. Flash backs, dislocation, call it what you want, I am back there, and no where at the same time. Time has no meaning, because I am every where and every when I have ever been reliving everything I have ever tried to forget comes knocking. Reminding me that I am not done being punished for my past.
my past will remain even after my shadow fades, and my last breath escapes my body. My memories will haunt me, they will cling to my soul as it claws out of my body for its final moment of freedom.
Those are the nights that remind me how deep Iraq has borrowed. Those are the nights where everything I see is seen through the monitors I used to watch. Static scrolls across my vision, the images dance and wave in front of me. I fight them, I know I shouldn't but I do. As soon as I begin to fight, I am woken, but I can not move my body.
Night terrors have set in, and I know I am in for a long night. My vision is still black and white, I see the darkness everywhere. I see the demons walking through my vision, through my mind, unable to stop them. Unable to move. I can barely keep the fear down long enough to remind myself that its all a dream. A very bad dream.
My body is trapped in some bad early 90's movie about witches.
"Stiff as a board, light as a feather, stiff as a board light as a feather" The demons of my past chant.
Instead of feeling lighter though, a weight, a physical weight presses down on my chest. Black hands framed in white shadows pressed against my throat. I can feel the burning flesh of the devils pressing my legs and hands down. I can't breathe, I can' move, I can't scream.
Every terrible memory dances in front of my eyes. Flash backs, dislocation, call it what you want, I am back there, and no where at the same time. Time has no meaning, because I am every where and every when I have ever been reliving everything I have ever tried to forget comes knocking. Reminding me that I am not done being punished for my past.
my past will remain even after my shadow fades, and my last breath escapes my body. My memories will haunt me, they will cling to my soul as it claws out of my body for its final moment of freedom.
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