[Clever one liner]

I consider myself to be rather witty, and clever. I am the one that people go to for advice, and to open up to about whatever is on their minds. I try my best to turn it around, and make them smile. I am known as the funny guy, the smart guy, the IT guy.

I am a confidant, I am a leader, and I am reliable.

But I have a secret.

That secret is that I am afraid of being anything but those things.

I meet people everyday that are ignorant, or stupid. I am afraid to be one of them, I see how happy they are not knowing that they are the source of all their strife. I see how they blame others for the short comings in their lives. I see them so completely ignorant to that that others see this as well, and distance themselves from those people.

I see liars, and cheats getting ahead in life, and the resentment that follows in the wake of their destruction. I see people who pretend to be a friend then turn around before the other is even healed, and they stab them in the back. I see all this and fear that if I were one of them, there would be less good in the world.

I see people who call themselves leaders, and use words like "go", and "Why did YOU...". I see people who claim to lead follow, and I see those "leaders" pass blame, and hand out orders while they sit there and "delegate". I can not be like that, and I weep inside for those that do.

I am dark, and cold, and hardened inside. So I project a laughing, joker persona so no one knows how scary I am inside. I fear a slow and sluggish mind, because I see how they hold others back. So I study, to this day I read about a book a day, I do not have a hunger for knowledge, I have a fear of not knowing.

I say all of that, because in my life everything that lead up to my event was caused by ignorance. Ignorance of the truth, ignorance of the facts of life. But most of all the ignorance of war, the ignorance of the darkness that is in this world.

Inside I am an animal. I am a monster. I maintain my exterior, it appears to be a man in his late 20's. I have shaggy hair, that I hate combing, and a beard that is even shaggier. I have caterpillar like eyebrows, and eyelashes women would kill for.

But inside, I am a frothing, snarling, bleeding animal trapped in a corner of the ignorance of man. Inside I am cold, and unforgiving, I am sad for, and saddened by the world around me. I have grown cold to the world and its cries for help. I wake up and slide my scaly armor plated skin inside my "people suit" and I wear the mask of a happy, witty, joker. The price of this "people suit" is the only thing keeping the beast from tearing through and destroying everything around me.

The years it has taken to get this suit finely tailored, to get this mask perfectly detailed to fool everyone. I am not ashamed of the monster inside, that would be silly. Yes, silly. That word does not fit the tone of this post, but it fits how ridiculous it would be to be ashamed of who you are.

I am a monster. I am a beast. I am forged in hardship. Sometimes a man is need to carry on the flame. Sometimes a monster is needed to destroy the darkness. Sometimes a beast is needed to keep the nightmares at bay. A monster is not afraid to die, a beast knows not of death. Death is not an option.