Today I spent a large portion of my day, sitting at the VA. Long story short, nothing got handled, and I was not seen. This post is not about the VA though. It is about talking about our feelings.
As a vet, and if you've ever met one, we are not the most loving, caring, "soft" individuals. Our feelings are not the first thing we talk about, or in some case even the last. After any amount of time a veteran, and service members become less than emotional. Now this is also true in some cases of people with PTSD. They can seem distant or unfeeling, and other times they feel too much. Sometimes our emotions can get the better of us. The frustration, and anger, and sadness can get away from us.
Now when we got and talk to someone about it, they have a way of asking questions that do two things. One, is to make us drop our guard, the other is an odd side effect. The questioning brings on waves of anxiety. It makes us stumble, motor mouth and trip over our words.
I know when I am questioned by therapists and other "mind melters" I get really weird. I get sweaty, and wipe the sweat away excessively, I start to judge myself, and worry if what I am doing or saying is going to get me sent up to the 5th floor never to be seen again.
In situations like that I have two choices.
One, I can brave it myself, and carry on like nothing happened when I return to the waiting room, and play off the obvious sweat dripping from me. Trying to hide the shaking in my hands I can get a bit frantic, and expressive.
Two, I can admit that I need help, and take someone with me to talk for me, or remind me to not be so weird, This has yet to happen because of my fear of seeming weak.
I say weak, not because I am a man and should be strong. I say it as if from my point of view if I seem like I am going to hurt myself or other, or I wont be able to leave the hospital. That, the not leaving the hospital, is too scary to even think about. I already need someone to go with to the VA because I refuse to go on my own. I need the security of someone being able to fight by my side if they try and lock me away.
We all need a support system, we all need to talk about our feelings, and how we are dealing with, or not dealing with them. Never give up, never give in. Always stand tall, and stand proud. You made it through hell, it didn't kill you. Tell your story, set it free and watch the weight go with it.
As a vet, and if you've ever met one, we are not the most loving, caring, "soft" individuals. Our feelings are not the first thing we talk about, or in some case even the last. After any amount of time a veteran, and service members become less than emotional. Now this is also true in some cases of people with PTSD. They can seem distant or unfeeling, and other times they feel too much. Sometimes our emotions can get the better of us. The frustration, and anger, and sadness can get away from us.
Now when we got and talk to someone about it, they have a way of asking questions that do two things. One, is to make us drop our guard, the other is an odd side effect. The questioning brings on waves of anxiety. It makes us stumble, motor mouth and trip over our words.
I know when I am questioned by therapists and other "mind melters" I get really weird. I get sweaty, and wipe the sweat away excessively, I start to judge myself, and worry if what I am doing or saying is going to get me sent up to the 5th floor never to be seen again.
In situations like that I have two choices.
One, I can brave it myself, and carry on like nothing happened when I return to the waiting room, and play off the obvious sweat dripping from me. Trying to hide the shaking in my hands I can get a bit frantic, and expressive.
Two, I can admit that I need help, and take someone with me to talk for me, or remind me to not be so weird, This has yet to happen because of my fear of seeming weak.
I say weak, not because I am a man and should be strong. I say it as if from my point of view if I seem like I am going to hurt myself or other, or I wont be able to leave the hospital. That, the not leaving the hospital, is too scary to even think about. I already need someone to go with to the VA because I refuse to go on my own. I need the security of someone being able to fight by my side if they try and lock me away.
We all need a support system, we all need to talk about our feelings, and how we are dealing with, or not dealing with them. Never give up, never give in. Always stand tall, and stand proud. You made it through hell, it didn't kill you. Tell your story, set it free and watch the weight go with it.
It's a shame the military culture, for so long, viewed "having emotions" as a handicap. I've worked in law enforcement and there's that same mentality of seeing everything in terms of black and white only. Good or evil..and nothing inbetween. That a stony expression equals tough and not talking about horrible events makes you a stronger man. However, it takes a LOT of strength to ask for help. It means you've acknowledged running into a wall taller than you and you just need a hand up to get over it.
ReplyDeleteIf you feel more comfortable with someone present, tell the Doc that's what it takes for you to be totally honest. How is that any different than asking a family member to sit in on a Dr.'s appointment when you're ill and afraid you might not remember everything you're suppose to do?
I know it's hard, but don't prejudged YOU. Keep talking. Someone will listen.