We all have that one person.

Taken from ptsd break the silence Facebook page

Easily startled. That is what I am going to focus on. We all have that one person that loves to push our buttons. I have that person as well. I am not going to call them out, because I work with them. But everyday about 3-5 times they do everything they can to scare the shit out of me. They think it's funny, and I would tell them to stop but when they are laughing, I am barely able to hold it together. I am falling apart, and ready to explode at the same time. 

Thoughts race through my head, "why weren't you paying attention more?", "You let them sneak up on you, now you're dead". All this while trying to focus on computer systems, and the steps I've taken to fix the issues, or where I am in the progress of the work I have done.

Even writing this I am worried of repercussions, my hands are sweating, and aching. But if I can deal with this everyday, with the fear that if I lose my sh*t at work, and lose my job. I know I can take this same control to the rest of my life. 

We all have that one person, that one person that pushes us to our limits. That one person that on the worst of days makes life unbearable, and on the best of days we find strength in their antics. We can physically laugh in the face of our fears, and draw a sense of victory on those days. 

Remember, that no one in our life is there by mistake. Everyone from the people we love and care about, to the people who try our patience to the last thread. They are all there to ensure that we are the best "YOU" you can be. 

Diamonds are not made with hugs and bunnies. You can't hit the target without a few drawbacks. Life is a test, and with PTSD I was just given a better version of the test, to be a better me. How boring would it be without a little strife, a little heart race when people sneak up on you while you work. 

Never give up, remember with each new struggle, it is just the blacksmith coming in for a new swing. Hammering away all those flaws. It may not be tomorrow, or the day after, but the days is coming when the hurting will end. The struggle will be over, and the blacksmith takes the folded steel, and cools me off. Then Ill be the best me I can be.