I am always angry, I am always alone. I have forced those around me back to a distance I know is safe enough. Safe enough that when they finally leave I won't feel anything. Because a numbing tingle is better than the pain I feel now.
There is so much pain inside I have no where left for it to go. I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes. I feel it in the air I breathe, I see it covering everything I once loved.
The monster has slumbered for far too long, and it is restless. It tears at my skin, and devours my mind. With each passing day, it grows stronger, and I grow weaker. My emotions are full of hate, and rage. My sense crave tears, my mouth salivates at the thought of everyone feeling the pain I feel.
I am not well. I know this, I live this battle everyday. These are the days the demons wait for, the days when the monster that I am awakens and has my full attention.
I know there will be those that say stay strong, and fight on. But these are the days that my tongue wants nothing but to taste cold steel. My nostrils need to smell the acrid stench of burnt gun powder. My hands ache to feel the wood grain one last time before the last cool breeze slides through the newly formed hole.
I want to cry because I know that will never be a possibility. I gave my word to never do it again, even though I am hurting and want it, I will never break a promise.
No matter how much I want it.
No matter how much my demons say I need it.
There is so much pain inside I have no where left for it to go. I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes. I feel it in the air I breathe, I see it covering everything I once loved.
The monster has slumbered for far too long, and it is restless. It tears at my skin, and devours my mind. With each passing day, it grows stronger, and I grow weaker. My emotions are full of hate, and rage. My sense crave tears, my mouth salivates at the thought of everyone feeling the pain I feel.
I am not well. I know this, I live this battle everyday. These are the days the demons wait for, the days when the monster that I am awakens and has my full attention.
I know there will be those that say stay strong, and fight on. But these are the days that my tongue wants nothing but to taste cold steel. My nostrils need to smell the acrid stench of burnt gun powder. My hands ache to feel the wood grain one last time before the last cool breeze slides through the newly formed hole.
I want to cry because I know that will never be a possibility. I gave my word to never do it again, even though I am hurting and want it, I will never break a promise.
No matter how much I want it.
No matter how much my demons say I need it.
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