I have taken a few days off from writing here, I needed it. I have started up the fight the VA once again. The mountain of paperwork has already started to pile up and wavier, as it sways in my hands.
Even the "new" system is still a nightmare. The new system is design to stop you from calling the number (1-800-827-1000) for VA live assistance. Anything to keep the VA from helping you, the entire system is not design to help anyone.
Ok, stepping off my soap box. I have started to get the help I need, and deserve. The fight is not easy. But I have friends, and family this time.
The negative side of me preaches "Just wait you'll see!"
The positive side is grateful even though the feelings of doubt are powerful.
I share my story with friends and family, I get one resounding question "What? How is that even possible?". For 3 years now the VA has said that, yes I do have hearing lost, and YES I do have Combat PTSD. BUUUUUUUT they are not service related. So I have Combat PTSD, that I somehow got while in combat somewhere else?
This whole day, and the last few days have been a struggle. Holding on to hope is becoming a struggle. Hope is quickly becoming a dirty four letter word. Hope, the SO keeps reminding me to keep it. I am trying. Emotions are a flurry, and anger is coming and going like the tide. Frustration is loosing the words to express itself.
Now I playing the waiting game, waiting to get the papers I need to get the medication I need to stay balanced. Waiting til I can get back on track, and not feel like the world is crumbling around me. Waiting for hope to not feel as though it is trying to race me to an early grave.
Even the "new" system is still a nightmare. The new system is design to stop you from calling the number (1-800-827-1000) for VA live assistance. Anything to keep the VA from helping you, the entire system is not design to help anyone.
Ok, stepping off my soap box. I have started to get the help I need, and deserve. The fight is not easy. But I have friends, and family this time.
The negative side of me preaches "Just wait you'll see!"
The positive side is grateful even though the feelings of doubt are powerful.
I share my story with friends and family, I get one resounding question "What? How is that even possible?". For 3 years now the VA has said that, yes I do have hearing lost, and YES I do have Combat PTSD. BUUUUUUUT they are not service related. So I have Combat PTSD, that I somehow got while in combat somewhere else?
This whole day, and the last few days have been a struggle. Holding on to hope is becoming a struggle. Hope is quickly becoming a dirty four letter word. Hope, the SO keeps reminding me to keep it. I am trying. Emotions are a flurry, and anger is coming and going like the tide. Frustration is loosing the words to express itself.
Now I playing the waiting game, waiting to get the papers I need to get the medication I need to stay balanced. Waiting til I can get back on track, and not feel like the world is crumbling around me. Waiting for hope to not feel as though it is trying to race me to an early grave.
It may not feel like it, but you're not waiting alone. You have a wonderful woman helping you battle the VA bureaucracy. (That should equal combat pay in itself!). You have a family which is listening, even though it seems like they're not sure how to help...they may feel almost as frustrated as you. And you have us...your "invisible friends" in Blog World who care about you. Does it matter that we've never met? No! Did you ask for my name and a color photo I.D. when you signed up to fight battles on my behalf? No, you showed up and did the job. Now it's my turn time to return the favor. Keep talking.
ReplyDeleteDeep breath. R-E-A-L-L-Y deep breath. I heard a soldier say recently after making progress with a physical problem, "I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel...and this time it wasn't an oncoming train."
We fight for what we believe in. I believe you are worth it and will win...keep going.
(Moves soapbox back over to you).