I have been out of medication for more than six weeks now, and I know I sound crazy but I was followed the other day. I say those two things in the same sentence because I can feel the eyes watching me again, I can feel the paranoia set in. But I am still aware enough to know that I was in fact followed.
Last Sunday as I was writing my previous post, a woman drove through my Starbucks. I called it mine, because it was where I used to disappear to. The works shifts rotated, so I never saw the same two people working, and I made sure to never go there on the same day twice in one month. It was mine, I learned the routine of the workers before any of them learned my name. Now I must find a new place to disappear to. But...
As I walked out, past the broken glass, and bent metal, I saw him. For the fifth time that day. I spent my Sunday doing chores, I went to get breakfast, I went to harbor freight, I even drove to random place for lunch. I went to a place that I have never been before in a town I have never been to til last Sunday.
He was there every time, ten minutes after I got to where I was going he would show up and sit in his car waiting, watching. The entire time I was talking with Mr. Palmer (my last post) I saw him in my rear view mirror. His windows were tinted. His car was an auctioned off police cruiser. With after market lights installed in the grill.
He would wait til I started my car, and pulled away, and then I would catch sight of him taking a different exit from the parking lot. He would always show up again after I had reached my next destination.
I tried to tell my SO about it, but now "I am going crazy". I tried to tell friends about it, but I got "that's crazy bro". I told a friend of mine that I went to Iraq with and he asked if it was really happening or in my head, I told him what I am writing here. He took the full description of events, and the driver, and told me to lose him, and get home. I know it wasn't in my head, and just the fact that my friend didn't blow it off made me feel normal. Like maybe someone was going to be able to pass on the information if anything happened.
It took me 30 mins to lose him, and make sure he wasn't following me.
Maybe I do need to get back on medication, but I know what I saw, and I know I am not going crazy. Yet.
I know enough about myself, and I am self aware enough to know when and if my mind is playing tricks on me. I know I am not going crazy, because I deal with this every day. I know the difference between me being paranoid that I am being followed on the freeway going to work, and when I spend 6 hours being followed by the same car.
I am not crazy.
I'm not crazy, right?
I don't know anymore.
Last Sunday as I was writing my previous post, a woman drove through my Starbucks. I called it mine, because it was where I used to disappear to. The works shifts rotated, so I never saw the same two people working, and I made sure to never go there on the same day twice in one month. It was mine, I learned the routine of the workers before any of them learned my name. Now I must find a new place to disappear to. But...
As I walked out, past the broken glass, and bent metal, I saw him. For the fifth time that day. I spent my Sunday doing chores, I went to get breakfast, I went to harbor freight, I even drove to random place for lunch. I went to a place that I have never been before in a town I have never been to til last Sunday.
He was there every time, ten minutes after I got to where I was going he would show up and sit in his car waiting, watching. The entire time I was talking with Mr. Palmer (my last post) I saw him in my rear view mirror. His windows were tinted. His car was an auctioned off police cruiser. With after market lights installed in the grill.
He would wait til I started my car, and pulled away, and then I would catch sight of him taking a different exit from the parking lot. He would always show up again after I had reached my next destination.
I tried to tell my SO about it, but now "I am going crazy". I tried to tell friends about it, but I got "that's crazy bro". I told a friend of mine that I went to Iraq with and he asked if it was really happening or in my head, I told him what I am writing here. He took the full description of events, and the driver, and told me to lose him, and get home. I know it wasn't in my head, and just the fact that my friend didn't blow it off made me feel normal. Like maybe someone was going to be able to pass on the information if anything happened.
It took me 30 mins to lose him, and make sure he wasn't following me.
Maybe I do need to get back on medication, but I know what I saw, and I know I am not going crazy. Yet.
I know enough about myself, and I am self aware enough to know when and if my mind is playing tricks on me. I know I am not going crazy, because I deal with this every day. I know the difference between me being paranoid that I am being followed on the freeway going to work, and when I spend 6 hours being followed by the same car.
I am not crazy.
I'm not crazy, right?
I don't know anymore.
I know with medication it's a fine line and part of it is knowing your own body. I amazed my doctor by proving I only needed a quarter of a child's dose of asthma medication and the lowest BP med available to keep me ticking right along, just fine. Listen to your body and know that the need to have some kind of medication does not make you a failure. Sometimes our bodies just need help.
ReplyDeleteI've always been told if you suspect someone is following you, drive into the parking lot of a law enforcement agency. That usually spooks the one following...and you might be able to get a tag number.
Keep us posted.
I have added the medication thing to the list of things I have to fight the VA on. So you know it'll be a year before I can get the meds I need LOL
ReplyDeleteAs for the following thing, everyone is still convinced it didn't happen and that I am just crazy. Still haven't gotten the video of the Starbucks parking lot to prove it.