Monday, May 4, 2015

Dedicated to those we need

We all meet people everyday, I know it sounds terrible :) But we do, whether we want to or not, we still interact with new people everyday. Some of those people come and go, like a leaf drifting down a river. Others effect us positively and negatively.

Those who effect us positively quickly become those we love and trust. When we have PTSD, that is a rare thing for us. We love like any other person, but we trust so little. When those we love and trust are on our side, we are unstoppable, even if we are having a bad day. During those bad days, the ones we love and trust cause us to hold onto hope.

But when those we hold dear turn on us, or leave us, we are left with a void. A growing, self consuming void. That void can lead to darkness, and dark thoughts. When these thoughts take hold it can be hard to see through all of the pain and self loathing. It can be hard to see the light. 

It is so rare to find a support system that we fight for the ones that may or may not be healthy for us. We can confuse love, with the love of the drugs (the chemicals in our system that are created when you touch someone you love, not actual drugs) they give us. We can confuse our feelings of being alone, with our feelings of missing them. 

This is not meant as a warning, or a deterrent from meeting new people, or meant to cut out the people you know now. It is meant as a commentary on the relationships we have, and can continue to have that may not be the best for us. A person that is good for you is the one that yells right back with you when you're lost in a bout of rage. Not yelling at you, but yelling to get through to you. The ones that fight for you, not with you. 

While I was off my medication, I was able to see who that person was. It was the person standing there in line at the VA, yelling at the doctors when I was so beaten down. It wasn't the people beating me down, or yelling at me. It was the person who knew who I was, and knew I was in a bad place. These are the people we need around us. These are the people who can be our life raft in the storm that is PTSD. 

Find these people, love these people, trust these people. Never let them go, and cherish them. 

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