I was talking with a friend recently, she has PTSD as well, and is in the service. Now her PTSD is the cause of other things unrelated to her service. But she has the same symptoms. I have seen her jump at loud noises, I have witnessed her vigilance, and I have seen her insomnia get worse.
Now I am not going to go into details of her life, but I would like to take a minute and talk about what we talked about. When we have PTSD stress is every where, and effects every aspect of our lives. Whether its the stress of our demons, or the stress we are unable to cope with now that we view the world differently.
Her stress was building. When we have PTSD we find it difficult to talk to others, because of the way we view the world. I read a study recently that stated that those with PTSD view the world, and the problems of their life not in first person view, but in a dislocated (almost) third person view. So when we need to talk to people about the troubles, or the stress were having, we find it hard to connect or express ourselves. We find it difficult because on a certain level the issues in our life aren't happening to us. They are happening in our life, but we are unable to express them as a personal thing.
That I find interesting. As well as enlightening.
I have said it before, and I'll say it again. I am not in love with life. But I love my life. That statement now makes sense to me, as to why I say it. According to the study, I have dislocated myself from life, and now instead of being in life, I am with life. I have realized in my short life, that one can be in, and out of love.
We all know this if you have ever loved another, and you no longer know them. The same is true for life. We can be in love with life, as well as out of love with life. But we can still love the life we have, I am not in love with life, but I love with all of my life.
Stress can make life hard, and when we have PTSD it can be hard to think clearly. We can tend to think life is a terrible affliction and the only way out of it is to end it. But I have had an eye opening moment this week, and I have come to a realization.
For the longest time I would fight tooth and nail. Blood, sweat, tears would mark my path in life. I would push against everything, and everyone making my life the way I thought it should be. The way I wanted it to be. But as I grew older, and hopefully wiser I realized 99% of the stress I was having life was created and nurtured by me. I had the nice car, the swanky sea side apartment, the fancy job, and a house full of stuff that I thought you should have as an adult.
Now I am not going to go into details of her life, but I would like to take a minute and talk about what we talked about. When we have PTSD stress is every where, and effects every aspect of our lives. Whether its the stress of our demons, or the stress we are unable to cope with now that we view the world differently.
Her stress was building. When we have PTSD we find it difficult to talk to others, because of the way we view the world. I read a study recently that stated that those with PTSD view the world, and the problems of their life not in first person view, but in a dislocated (almost) third person view. So when we need to talk to people about the troubles, or the stress were having, we find it hard to connect or express ourselves. We find it difficult because on a certain level the issues in our life aren't happening to us. They are happening in our life, but we are unable to express them as a personal thing.
That I find interesting. As well as enlightening.
I have said it before, and I'll say it again. I am not in love with life. But I love my life. That statement now makes sense to me, as to why I say it. According to the study, I have dislocated myself from life, and now instead of being in life, I am with life. I have realized in my short life, that one can be in, and out of love.
We all know this if you have ever loved another, and you no longer know them. The same is true for life. We can be in love with life, as well as out of love with life. But we can still love the life we have, I am not in love with life, but I love with all of my life.
Stress can make life hard, and when we have PTSD it can be hard to think clearly. We can tend to think life is a terrible affliction and the only way out of it is to end it. But I have had an eye opening moment this week, and I have come to a realization.
For the longest time I would fight tooth and nail. Blood, sweat, tears would mark my path in life. I would push against everything, and everyone making my life the way I thought it should be. The way I wanted it to be. But as I grew older, and hopefully wiser I realized 99% of the stress I was having life was created and nurtured by me. I had the nice car, the swanky sea side apartment, the fancy job, and a house full of stuff that I thought you should have as an adult.
Now I am practically stress free. I say practically because my old habit still come and go, I still get the stress of normal life but I push it aside now. Now when I am thinking clearly and I am able to manage my PTSD, stress is just a mild irritant. I try everyday not to worry about bills, bills don't care about you. My nice car didn't care about me. My apartment by the ocean didn't enjoy the view of me. Now that I have none of those things, I am not creating stress in my own life.
I have a house I live in, and it is free of clutter. I don't have the big TV, or leather couch, or fancy pots and pans. I have my recliner, and my office desk, and a workshop. I didn't spend a lot of money on them, I was given them or built them myself. I have an older car, that breaks down a lot.
But I am content. I am happy. Life has found me, and I have found my purpose in life. The struggle is over. I am not a rich man, my account hovers right around zero, but with my friends, my family, my writing, and this blog, I am a rich man.
Bills come, and bills go. Cars come, and cars go. But life, life can be hard, and it can be easy. Life can be something you're in love with, and it can be something you fall out of love with. Or life can be something you love, you love with, and something you cherish. Stress is not part of life. It is the result of us fighting life, trying to make it what we want.
Find your purpose, I found mine, and my life is free. Stop fighting it, stop creating stress making your PTSD worst. PTSD and bills don't mix. PTSD and stress mix, but only result in poisoning your life. Take a moment and meditate on your life, and find your purpose. Fear is not your master. PTSD is not your master. Stress is not your master. Find your purpose, and find your life.
When we deny our purpose in life, we dance with the devil and play with insanity- E. Pepper
As a child I asked a trusted adult, "How do you know when you become a grown up?" His answer: "The day you realize life is unfair." But he added that life was what you make it. No, you can't control life, but you can control the way you react to what it throws your way.
ReplyDeleteEvery time I find myself ready to disgustedly declare, "I give up!" that man's voice reminds me how I react is my choice. So simple, yet so hard to follow at times. I'm glad to see you share the same idea about stress. Have a great week!
"The day you realize life is unfair" hahaha I try to think that life is fair, life gives up exactly what we can handle.
ReplyDeleteBut I have thought that, and thought that life is unfair at the same time ;p