It is simmering, once again.

I feel it again. That burning itch, that heroin addiction like craving for it. My mouth salivates for it. My veins itch for it. My flesh craws for it. My fingers curl, refusing to be anything but balled up stones. My eyes have dropped the lense that fuels it. I see red, and its getting deeper.

It is my rage.

I was doing so well. I felt so normal for once. I was writing more, I was posting more. I was taking my meds like I was supposed to, I was even taking risks and trusting people. Why is this happening?

What is this growing inside of me?

Didn't they fix me? Am I so broken I can never be fixed?

How much space can I ask for til I am no longer over whelmed? How lonely can I be til you are happy? how miserable must I be to make you happy?

Must I grind my teeth and starve to feed your hunger for my misery? My I claw at my own skin, and break it to quench your thirst?

What must I do to make you leave? Tell me and it will be your, I swear it.

I can not harbor directionless rage within me, my walls can not hold it. What has come over me is not who I am, I am suffocating, and drowning.

I am angry for no reason, and every reason. The confusion is spreading, making nothing make sense. The confusion makes every thought frustrating to process, and a struggle to share.

The more you ask what is wrong the more angry I become, because I can not find and form the words to express myself. All I can say is "give me a second", and we both know I need more than that, but that is all I can say.