Bridges make awful homes part 1

Every day throughout this country, veterans drift outside the view of the people they defended. These men and women are dirty, filthy, alone, and losing touch with reality.

I was one of them, for a long time. Too long of a time.

Part 1

I will always remember the night I was abandoned, I remember the soft red glow of the brake lights as my brother and sister drove away. Leaving me on the side of the street. Confusion swam through my mind, I didn't know what to do. I had nothing but the clothes on my back. I remember it being cold, and windy, I remember obsessing over how an hour before I got kicked out of a park by the cops. I had to keep moving, or they'd be back.

The wind picked up, I didn't have a jacket. I began to shake as I kept moving, the sun had set hours ago, and would be hours till it rose. I remember giving up on wiping the tears away, it only spread the water freezing my face more. The confusion grew, I was lost in my hometown, the place I had grown up. I stumbled behind a restaurant and climbed behind a dumpster, I shut the gates in front in hopes of blocking the wind. Huddled up against the back wall, and the dumpster I tried to sleep away everything my mind couldn't grasp.

I spent the night, shaking violently from the cold, lack of food and water, and the smell. I will always remember that smell. The smell of vinegar, olive oil, pesto, and rotting tomatoes. That sweet scent of rotting will never leave me. I barely slept, between the biting cold, the assaulting smell, and the rats attacking me throughout the night I was lucky to sleep more than five minutes at a time. With every cough from the burning in my lungs, I tasted the wretched foul smell in the air.

Morning came, what felt like days later. I stumbled out from behind the dumpster only to see cops pulling around the corner of the restaurant. I panicked and hid, I knew what they wanted. They were there to get me. I hid, and listened. The patrol vehicle popped gears and slide into reverse, I peeked and saw the nose of the cruiser slide behind the edge of the wall. I ran and hopped a short wooden fence. I heard the sirens 'whoop whoop' to life, and panic took full grasp of my mind and I ran. Through the tall grasses that grow up on the side of the San Diego river. Reeds and grasses and tree branches whipped and lashed my face and hands. The sirens grew distant, a small voice in my head knew they weren't after me. But my fear didn't let that stop it, I was the enemy in a foreign land and I had to survive.

I burst through the grasses and came upon a trail that runners used at the park I had been kicked out of earlier that night. I stopped and refused to move, the trail was dirt. The cops had to be taping of the dumpster by now, they had to have at least one imprint of my shoes, they had to be waiting for the K9 units to get onsite. I had to move, but couldn't risk being tracked. I pulled a palm leaf off a tree that was a bit off the trail and pulled the leaves off the center stem. I tried my best to make a weave I thought would cover my shoes. Confusion and frustration were my only friends once again. I got angry and tossed the makeshift covers out on the trail and hopped across. I ran once again through reeds and shrubbery. I could feel the sweat soaking my clothes and knew the dogs would be at my throat soon enough. I knew the river was close and changed directions I had to lose the cops, and their dogs.

The sun was high in the sky now, it had been hours since I had eaten, slept, or had anything to drink. The taste of dirt was filling my mouth, as I fell into the river. The cold water chilled me to the bone instantly.

My feverish panic was replaced with shock and a growing sense of shame. I had lost my mind. I climbed out of the freezing water and laid down on the rocks. I remember being lulled to sleep by the sounds of the water rushing by, and traffic as it passed over the bridge nearby. I woke several hours later, I was all but dry, and had my sense back.

I got up, hungry, thirsty, tired and cold once again I set out south. I still don't understand why I chose south, but I did and hiked for hours. Through a land, I didn't know. I was born and raised here, but I had spent so long away from it that it had changed on me and was no longer my home. I was in a foreign land, I was alone, and had no way of telling what was real or not. I no longer trusted myself or anyone. The cuts and bruises up and down my arms were proof I couldn't be trusted.

If I couldn't trust my mind, then no one could be trusted.