What the VA learned from Povlov

If anyone has dealt with the VA you know the agonizing speed at which they get ANYTHING done. This efficiency that the VA claims to have is the root of a lot of veterans issue, I hear all too often: Why go to the VA they aren't going to do anything for me? And if they do, do anything, it'll take forever and they'll just jerk me around.

This deep rooted failure, and expectation of failure from the VA has lead myself, and others to either do nothing or seek care elsewhere. The private sector is not very different, the process is slow and laborious. Mostly because of the go-between, between the VA and your private health care provider. This process whether through the VA or your own care provider is mind-numbingly painful.

Having gone through this process more than once, I have developed a crippling doubt. The very thought of trying to get help, or the idea that help is available to me is enough to incite a fear and depression so great that I am frozen for hours.

Today in fact was one of those days, I had plans to go to the American Legion (http://www.legion.org/). I got up early, I got dressed, and grabbed my keys, I prepared to leave and the fear struck. I could not move, I could do nothing. Thoughts of doubt, endless fighting and making no ground made me want to curl up in a ball and disappear.

So many times I have built up the courage to start the process to get help, and too many times I have been defeated by the red tape. Too many times have I been told that I have to wait and see what happens, too many times have I sat there in the waiting room to be poked and prodded. Made to prove that I served this country because the VA had no records of my service.

Like Pavlov's dogs, I have been trained with endless defeat to fear the battle for help and to give up prematurely. Like a failed Russian experiment, I have been tortured into believing the lie that is VA healthcare, in hopes that my will and the will of the human spirit can be tested.

This is the seed of my crippling defeat. I will continue to fight, but that is because I have been conditioned to be defeated. I have been trained to enjoy the pain and suffering that is the search for help.