I frequent forums and feeds of people and organizations that help others with PTSD. I chat in rooms for those venting, ranting and searching for a shoulder to rest on. We all have had a singular (or multiple) event(s) that have altered our very lives. The way we think, the way we live, and the way we interact with the world.
We are searching for one thing, not to be 'cured' some of us don't even realize we have PTSD. Most of us are searching for Stability. If we use the analogy that life is a river, those of us with PTSD are searching for that log that floats down the river. It may bounce around, and even roll a few times. But it is solid ground, with which to plant our roots.
My worst days, come and go when things in life take a turn for the worse. When I can't pay my rent, or I am coming up to an end of a contract, for work. Contractor work is terrible. When huge things start to happen, and I start to lose my footing, that is when PTSD starts to make a move. I become paranoid that there is a grand orchestrator planning my demise. I feel the 'hyper-vigilance' go into hyper drive. I feel depression's tide roll in, and my head begin to dip, under the sea of pressure.
When things are stable, I am able to rationalize things. I am able to tell myself that the fears I have of being followed, and watched are not real. I am able to ignore my need to watch if vehicles are following me. When things are stable I am no longer thinking of buying a gun, for those late night raids, that might happen, on my house. When things are stable, I do not have to check the doors late at night.
Stability comes in many forms and is different for many people. Some need a daily routine, some need a full-time job, some just need to know that when they get home they aren't going to be alone. Our goal should be to find a support system so that we can begin the search for stability. Then and only then can we begin the healing process.
We are searching for one thing, not to be 'cured' some of us don't even realize we have PTSD. Most of us are searching for Stability. If we use the analogy that life is a river, those of us with PTSD are searching for that log that floats down the river. It may bounce around, and even roll a few times. But it is solid ground, with which to plant our roots.
My worst days, come and go when things in life take a turn for the worse. When I can't pay my rent, or I am coming up to an end of a contract, for work. Contractor work is terrible. When huge things start to happen, and I start to lose my footing, that is when PTSD starts to make a move. I become paranoid that there is a grand orchestrator planning my demise. I feel the 'hyper-vigilance' go into hyper drive. I feel depression's tide roll in, and my head begin to dip, under the sea of pressure.
When things are stable, I am able to rationalize things. I am able to tell myself that the fears I have of being followed, and watched are not real. I am able to ignore my need to watch if vehicles are following me. When things are stable I am no longer thinking of buying a gun, for those late night raids, that might happen, on my house. When things are stable, I do not have to check the doors late at night.
Stability comes in many forms and is different for many people. Some need a daily routine, some need a full-time job, some just need to know that when they get home they aren't going to be alone. Our goal should be to find a support system so that we can begin the search for stability. Then and only then can we begin the healing process.
Hypocritical, I know. I have not yet healed or found complete stability. But I honestly believe that life is a journey, it doesn't matter where you are going, or when you'll get there. Just that you are going, it's the going that matters. It's the search, and the journey that matters. As long as you are on the path, then you have already won.
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