The fear of stigma

I can only assume, due to the many talks I have had with PTSD suffers, that we all face an over barring fear.

Not the fear we deal with every day, the fear we get from the constant stream of ill-directed stigma. The fear we have that as we sit across from an interviewer that the think we are going to "go postal". Many a time I have sat across from those stone-faced questioners, everything was going fine, the walls were coming down, and I was making a connection. Then the questions started about my service and they lead to PTSD, that is when I was presented with a choice: Lie and have to keep my lie a secret, or do what is right, and be honest.

I am a TERRIBLE liar, so honesty is the path I take. And that is when the looks are exchanged. They think they are being slick with it. But they aren't, I see it. The looks exchanged between them, saying "can he be trusted not to snap", "not to kill us all when he goes crazy". That is the moment I wish I had the strength to get up and walk away, ending the interview on my terms instead of continuing the farce. I know as soon as those looks are shot around that I will no longer hear from them.

Too many companies interview veterans in hopes of getting those veteran tax cuts, and then use PTSD as a way of justifying their prejudices against something they know very little about. If anything at all. It is not right, it is unfair to those who do not have PTSD, and it is wrong, for those with it. Both groups of people are affected different, and equally. 

The fear of this prejudices is debilitating for some of us, it turns a college educated, skilled IT technician like me forget everything I have spent the last six years learning. I am literally unable to remember what jobs I've had, or how to troubleshoot a router. I know my job, I know my trade, and I am good at it. But what I am not good at is dealing with the stigma that is put on people like me. I am not a danger to you or your precious corporation. I am not a tax credit, I am not a safety hazard. I am a human being that has, and will continue to survive through tragedy because I am strong.

Do not look upon me with pity or guilt, or that sparkle of opportunity at saving a few dollars every year. Look at me like you would anyone else, look at me as if you had never met me before and have no preconceived notion of me or what I am.

I am just like you. Human, and I deserve to be treated as such, with the same respect and dignity that I bestow to you.