Through out the years I have began to mediate more and more. A thought has crept up into the recesses of my mind. It has been a nagging thought and I can not find out why I have done this.
Being from the west coast, my earliest memories of summer are of water. Large lakes, pools, rivers, and the beach. The beautiful southern California beaches. I remember swimming, and trips to the river, I even remember going to the beach and getting a tan on Christmas day one year.
But it has been two years since I have been to the beach, two years since I have been in a body of water larger than a bathtub. And I don't know why. I try and analyse it, I try and figure it out. Nothing solid comes to mind. Except fragments of things that I know don't make sense.
I have ideas of being cut off from an escape, ideas of having a giant wall of water stopping 50% of the directions I can run. But 100% of the area danger can come from. Humans are land creatures, we are terrible water mammals. If I had to escape I would have to fight the current, swim while avoiding the danger, or run towards the land based threat.
Water, the thing I used to love about summer has been taken. I think that this is why I can't go near water, but I can't admit it. I can't admit that even after years of being away from my event, I am still struggling with avoidance, and haven't realized it yet.
Being from the west coast, my earliest memories of summer are of water. Large lakes, pools, rivers, and the beach. The beautiful southern California beaches. I remember swimming, and trips to the river, I even remember going to the beach and getting a tan on Christmas day one year.
But it has been two years since I have been to the beach, two years since I have been in a body of water larger than a bathtub. And I don't know why. I try and analyse it, I try and figure it out. Nothing solid comes to mind. Except fragments of things that I know don't make sense.
I have ideas of being cut off from an escape, ideas of having a giant wall of water stopping 50% of the directions I can run. But 100% of the area danger can come from. Humans are land creatures, we are terrible water mammals. If I had to escape I would have to fight the current, swim while avoiding the danger, or run towards the land based threat.
Water, the thing I used to love about summer has been taken. I think that this is why I can't go near water, but I can't admit it. I can't admit that even after years of being away from my event, I am still struggling with avoidance, and haven't realized it yet.
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