Lately, I have spent a lot of time searching deep within. There is one thing I have learned about myself. I am not special, I am not normal either. I am on a quest to heal myself so that I can be like everyone else.
I am on a quest so that I can go to sleep every night without jumping in fright. So that I can not scare the people trying to wake me up because I swing on them. I would like it if I could dream of flying, or swimming. Instead of drowning and falling.
There are people in this world that use disorders as attention getting. I am not one of them (even thou ironically thousands of people have read this blog, about my disorder), I do not find a sense of pleasure from receiving attention. I do not use PTSD as an attention grabber. Millions of us have PTSD, that makes me not special. I am not unique in my fight wit PTSD.
Billions do not have PTSD, so therefore I am not normal either. I wish to be like them, even though I know deep down I never will. And I am ok with that, I truly am. My quest as led me to a realization of sorts. PTSD is a badge we carry.
Like the flair of a soccer mom or the pins on the sash of scouts. PTSD is a badge we wear. It lets the world know we are survivors of nightmare. It tells the world we combat evil and lived. So as I quest for the life I want, I wear my badge in silence, letting the world know that I will fight, but never lose.
Attention is not for me, I am a man of action. I do no want your sympathy or your comfort. I want understanding and a companion on this road. So dawn the badge of honor we all carry, grab your support and help those who have yet to realize that PTSD needs to be fought. Not be glorified, or overcome by.
I am on a quest so that I can go to sleep every night without jumping in fright. So that I can not scare the people trying to wake me up because I swing on them. I would like it if I could dream of flying, or swimming. Instead of drowning and falling.
There are people in this world that use disorders as attention getting. I am not one of them (even thou ironically thousands of people have read this blog, about my disorder), I do not find a sense of pleasure from receiving attention. I do not use PTSD as an attention grabber. Millions of us have PTSD, that makes me not special. I am not unique in my fight wit PTSD.
Billions do not have PTSD, so therefore I am not normal either. I wish to be like them, even though I know deep down I never will. And I am ok with that, I truly am. My quest as led me to a realization of sorts. PTSD is a badge we carry.
Like the flair of a soccer mom or the pins on the sash of scouts. PTSD is a badge we wear. It lets the world know we are survivors of nightmare. It tells the world we combat evil and lived. So as I quest for the life I want, I wear my badge in silence, letting the world know that I will fight, but never lose.
Attention is not for me, I am a man of action. I do no want your sympathy or your comfort. I want understanding and a companion on this road. So dawn the badge of honor we all carry, grab your support and help those who have yet to realize that PTSD needs to be fought. Not be glorified, or overcome by.
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