I was reminded by a good friend, one that reads this blog daily. That I need to keep doing this (Writing this blog) for me, and not for others. His reasoning was simple: If I keep writing for myself people will continue to be positively affected by my words. If I am writing for them, then I am pandering to the crowd and I lose my effectiveness in the fight against PTSD.
It is hard sometimes to remember that I am writing this to help myself. To get through all the demons I have. I am conflicted on some days. Some days I want to reach through the internet and heal all the broken memories, giving anything and everything I can, to help anyone who is hurt.
Other days I am struggling to heal myself.
The reminder from my friend, was something I needed. It reminded me of my favorite quote "Write the story you want to read" - (Sorry can't remember who said it, will update when I remember*). So when I say I write this for me, I write the 'story' I want to read, what I am saying is this: I am writing so that I can heal. I am not writing for the numbers at the bottom of this blog, or for the fame, or notoriety. I am not writing this for them money (there is none). I am writing this so you as the reader can follow me alone and see that every day is a struggle, but there are always going to be good days.
And even some bad ones.
I write so that I can get better, so that I can find an end to PTSD, and maybe you can find hope along the way. Because at the end of the day, that is what this blog is about.
Hope.
Hope that someday I can go to bed without jerking awake without feelings of the purest of terror. Hope that some day I can walk into a crowded place and not have to watch my back or worry who is going to be the biggest problem when gunshots erupt out of nowhere. Hope that someday I can hold my head up high without fear that if I talk about PTSD it will not spread like a disease.
Hope. That is such a beautiful word. It's short, sweet, and to the point. It promises a better tomorrow, and a brighter day. A day when we can move on, and grow. No longer bound by our fears, and our worry and our memories.
Hope.
I hope that together we can win and that no one is left alone in this fight.
Update, I found a couple people who said it(*It being my favorite quote) I'll keep looking and update when I find the author til then please don't sue lol.
It is hard sometimes to remember that I am writing this to help myself. To get through all the demons I have. I am conflicted on some days. Some days I want to reach through the internet and heal all the broken memories, giving anything and everything I can, to help anyone who is hurt.
Other days I am struggling to heal myself.
The reminder from my friend, was something I needed. It reminded me of my favorite quote "Write the story you want to read" - (Sorry can't remember who said it, will update when I remember*). So when I say I write this for me, I write the 'story' I want to read, what I am saying is this: I am writing so that I can heal. I am not writing for the numbers at the bottom of this blog, or for the fame, or notoriety. I am not writing this for them money (there is none). I am writing this so you as the reader can follow me alone and see that every day is a struggle, but there are always going to be good days.
And even some bad ones.
I write so that I can get better, so that I can find an end to PTSD, and maybe you can find hope along the way. Because at the end of the day, that is what this blog is about.
Hope.
Hope that someday I can go to bed without jerking awake without feelings of the purest of terror. Hope that some day I can walk into a crowded place and not have to watch my back or worry who is going to be the biggest problem when gunshots erupt out of nowhere. Hope that someday I can hold my head up high without fear that if I talk about PTSD it will not spread like a disease.
Hope. That is such a beautiful word. It's short, sweet, and to the point. It promises a better tomorrow, and a brighter day. A day when we can move on, and grow. No longer bound by our fears, and our worry and our memories.
Hope.
I hope that together we can win and that no one is left alone in this fight.
Update, I found a couple people who said it(*It being my favorite quote) I'll keep looking and update when I find the author til then please don't sue lol.
Onward to your recovery!! Thank you for Sharing it with us, By you taking Care of tourself FIRST, You help Us, a side effect I Love!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words and support, they really are why I keep going. So many people are giving me so much great feedback. I feel honored by everyone who joins me.
ReplyDeleteI like this notion that one must have to write for oneself as it is good way to motivate others while getting mastery over the words.
ReplyDeleteIt is, I still feel as though mastery is a lifetime long quest :)
DeleteWhen you write for yourself, the truth comes out. That's why I write...and I'm often surprised to find the truth staring me in the face, a truth I might've otherwise missed in the fast pace of daily life.
ReplyDeleteYou'd like my state's motto, "While I breathe, I hope." :)
I do, in fact, enjoy that motto. Never been to the Ol' SC but I do appreciate the Motto, it's kind of double-edged almost forcing you to hope because as you read it, you realize the breathes you are taking :) causing hope to swell within.
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