As we struggle daily with PTSD we all seek the same thing. Other than a quiet moment away from all the doubt, fear and anxiety, we seek some level of understanding from those around us.
But how do we get that when to understand our struggle is to have PTSD. We can't wish PTSD on everyone, I don't wish it on those that have hurt me the most in life. But how then?
I know this is going to freak you the f*$k out. But hear me out.
You have to talk about it. PTSD is a disorder that words can help. Words may not be the cure, but they are a treatment.
Instead of using your fists, use adjectives, and adverbs. Instead of lashing out use "I" statements.
"I" do not enjoy this. "I" do not understand this. "I" can not handle this.
All of these statements are personal. They are about you and they pull people in. You statements push people away.
"'You' are upsetting me'" is not the same as "'I' am upset right now, with you" When we use 'you' statements they can be seen as accusatory. And those people who we are trying to open up to may be hurt by what we say. But if we can make our words reflect what we are trying to say, and how we feel then we are one step closer to understanding.
When I say "I am hurting inside, I do not know if I can keep going." My [Significant Other] understands that I am having a bad PTSD day because we talk, a lot. If I were to tell my SO, that she isn't helping me that would be a statement that isn't helpful for both of us. What I really want to say is "I am not feeling better, by what you said".
I know all of this seems like silly nit-picky word play, but it isn't. I find myself having to back track a lot because I will say something in the heat of the moment, even though I mean something completely different. And instead of trying to tell someone that something isn't working. I accuse them of not helping.
When we accuse people they shut down and stop listening, or caring. But if we express ourselves and the way we feel people can become our greatest allies in the fight against PTSD. My SO has taken on the task of fighting the VA for me. After 7 years of losing to them, I have a new ally. And she is angry. Where I am beaten down, she is confident. Where I am fed up and tired, she is encouraging. Because I stopped accusing and started expressing, she is my new weapon in this battle.
But how do we get that when to understand our struggle is to have PTSD. We can't wish PTSD on everyone, I don't wish it on those that have hurt me the most in life. But how then?
I know this is going to freak you the f*$k out. But hear me out.
You have to talk about it. PTSD is a disorder that words can help. Words may not be the cure, but they are a treatment.
Instead of using your fists, use adjectives, and adverbs. Instead of lashing out use "I" statements.
"I" do not enjoy this. "I" do not understand this. "I" can not handle this.
All of these statements are personal. They are about you and they pull people in. You statements push people away.
"'You' are upsetting me'" is not the same as "'I' am upset right now, with you" When we use 'you' statements they can be seen as accusatory. And those people who we are trying to open up to may be hurt by what we say. But if we can make our words reflect what we are trying to say, and how we feel then we are one step closer to understanding.
When I say "I am hurting inside, I do not know if I can keep going." My [Significant Other] understands that I am having a bad PTSD day because we talk, a lot. If I were to tell my SO, that she isn't helping me that would be a statement that isn't helpful for both of us. What I really want to say is "I am not feeling better, by what you said".
I know all of this seems like silly nit-picky word play, but it isn't. I find myself having to back track a lot because I will say something in the heat of the moment, even though I mean something completely different. And instead of trying to tell someone that something isn't working. I accuse them of not helping.
When we accuse people they shut down and stop listening, or caring. But if we express ourselves and the way we feel people can become our greatest allies in the fight against PTSD. My SO has taken on the task of fighting the VA for me. After 7 years of losing to them, I have a new ally. And she is angry. Where I am beaten down, she is confident. Where I am fed up and tired, she is encouraging. Because I stopped accusing and started expressing, she is my new weapon in this battle.
I'm glad you've got a confident ally on your side. Just fighting a bureaucracy which seems more interested in numbers than in people IS tiring. I imagine to a soldier it's like a slap in the face when all you asked for is a hand to help you stand steady on your own two feet.
ReplyDeleteGive her a hug. Just because. Besides, it makes us know we're fighting for the right reason.
And if I'm commenting too much, tell me to take a break. :)
You're commenting is much appreciated, don't stop. I love the dialog. As for the VA yes it is beyond tiring. Like I said I've given up. But I also let her take the reigns on this one. So at least the fight goes on.
ReplyDeleteI am hesitant to comment on your posts. I feel as though you have a set audience and I will be unable to add to it. It is something I am working on as well.
Hey, the only way we learn or interact is to talk...comment away! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd have a great weekend. (You did give her a hug, right?)
LOL of course I did, every day I thank her. It reminds me of her strength and lets her know I am grateful. Grateful every day for the help.
ReplyDeleteI'll work up to commenting, I don't know why it is so stressful.
I met most of those "commenters" the same way I met you: through blogging. Over the years we've just come to trust each other and we're all very supportive of each other and whatever life is tossing our way.
ReplyDeleteCome on in...the water is fine. :)